Binding Polymer

In what may be Zap Rowsdower’s final final sacrifice, Great Desirini films has released, Final Sacrifice 3: The Quest for Beer on the Sun.

After finally sacrificing for the second time in Final Sacrifice 2: The Finaler Sacrifice, Zap dreams of a day when he can reach the only warm place he’s ever known. Being from the great, white northerliness of Alberta, Canada, that warm place is the Sun; where he’s convinced he’ll find beer. FS3:TQFBOTS is not only a fan-film of Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan-favorite experiment and director Tjardus Greidanus’s epic action-adventure, The Final Sacrifice. It is also a cross-over fan-film of Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan-favorite experiment and Battlestar Gallactica stock-footage-using space-opera, Space Mutiny. (There is no word on whether or not Joel Robinson’s Cartuner was consulted.) You’ll have to watch to see what happens when a former Ziox cult member turned drifter gets a sponsorship from Molson, Canada’s beer. Don’t spoil the surprise ending for your friends. No one will be seated during the epic enforcer chase scene. How old is Sherry anyway?

Zap won’t take “no” for an answer.

FS3, which by it is known to its friends, is the hive-mind child of the cast of a podcast whose name may not be safe for reading unless you are exactly 18 years old on the day of its reading– and then only if your eyes are closed and ASCII code 83 is permanently swapped with code 36. (Your parental guidance may vary.) The initials of the podcast are G.O.A., but let’s call it Gif of “Icicles”, when the children have ears. (Do they have those?) Not to be confused with the inhabitants of the Indian state of Goa, these podcasters are known to spend weekends in a basement in Denver, Colorado, musing to one another about imaginary movie plots and watching Rifftrax, MST3K, or other modern classics such as Zombie Nightmare and Sharknado. One weekend they hatched an imaginary plot to a The Final Sacrifice sequel. Before they knew it, someone was making costumes, and they were in production of Final Sacrifice 2. (Alternately known as The Zappening.) It was released unto the world via the YouTube on January 2nd, 2016, where it awaited universal acclaim.

Several months later, the group, who had not yet started their podcast, and who thus were hitherto just a group of friends getting together to chat, were convinced (Or tricked. Who’s to say?) to start recording their conversations about imaginary movie plots. They released the first recording as a podcast a few days before the Ides of April, and have done three or so more episodes since then. Somewhere between their first and second recordings, FS2 received a mysterious spike in viewership, and a write-up on some website, which put a bee in their bonnet that provided the subject for the two-part second episode of their new podcast. In the basement, on a Saturday like many others, they discussed the plot of not their previously mused and intended Space Mutiny fan-film, but what was to become a cross-over of SM and FS.

Over the next few weeks (some may call it a coupla months), a script was hammered out, costumes were sewn together, Molson’s Canadian beer was quested for at five different liquor stores but nobody really drank any of it, props were painted, and a fan-film was acted in and edited together. On July 16, 2016, Final Sacrifice 3 was released.  A week or so later — today, in fact — a behind the scenes video was also released, giving a succinct accounting of the events leading up to FS3 and even a few bloopers.

Zap takes three to the Molson muscle courtesy of Bolt Vanderhuge.

Final Sacrifice 3: The Quest for Beer on the Sun is three times the special effects, three times the cast, and three times the sacrifice. Reprising their roles from the Final Sacrifice 2 fan-film are Don Austin as Zap Rowsdower, Matt Ahern as Pipper, and Lucy (star of the Literary Lucy video series) as Pugsdower. Kevin Gentilcore also returns to the screen; this time not as an exploding Ziox cultist, but as Moose Molson, ostensible president of the Molson beer company and Mutant #5. Not to be out done in the double roles department, Matt (who definitely isn’t the beloved Indianapolis news anchor, the famed British pirate radio DJ, or the aging Australian politician Mike Ahern) also plays the captain of the spaceship the Great White Northern Sun, Bolt Vanderhuge. Three timesing up the cast are Adam Laarsen as Hornswaggle, and other close and personal friends of the podcasteers. Podcast note-taker, fan-film script writer, and pug-mother Desirae Seter sneaks in as a crew member with eye-popping fashion sense.

Three times the effects!

If you want to listen to the genesis of this fan-film, in it’s most raw form, uncensored and not safe for work, get permission from your parents and check out episode 2 and episode 2.5 of the podcast sheepishly and coyly mentioned above. They’ve posted it in video form on the YouTube. If you want it as an actual podcast, look in the usual places you consume podcasts, including podomatic. They also have a twitter account where you can find behind the scenes photographs and other podcast related news. If you’re not ready for that many “icicles” in your face, Desirae also has BTS photographs of FS2, FS3, and Literary Lucy on her personal instagram account.

Still not reached for comment: Tjardus Greidanus.